


Disabled Toilet: Round Two

by Iliketalkingtoyou



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: angsty pining finn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-13 03:08:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12974532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iliketalkingtoyou/pseuds/Iliketalkingtoyou
Summary: Finn never left for leeds, but instead of rae going to see finn that night she just went straight to liam’s house. this is the next day. oh and olivia never happened either





	Disabled Toilet: Round Two

It was surprisingly clammy for a November day but it wasn’t the late autumn humidity that was making his hair stick to the nape of his neck. Instead, it was the way Rae and Liam were sitting so close together, acting as if they were best buddies. Just watching them together was making his jaw clench, Finn and Rae used to be best buddies. And now what were they? Friends? He couldn’t stand the fact that he was reduced to something so little with her. Yeah, he was the one who had suggested they go back to this but that didn’t mean he particularly enjoyed this arrangement. She dangled in front of him, tormenting him – so close yet so far.

‘Liam and Rae’. It didn’t even sound right together. ‘Finn and Rae’. ‘Rae and Finn’. There was a lovely ring to that. Or at least there had been a lovely ring to it until she had went and chucked him. That night had been a cold one – in more ways than one, and even now the iciness of the memory sliced through his chest making him shiver despite the rising heat.

Fuck Liam. Fuck the way Rae is smiling at the prick. Rae could be smiling at Finn like that. She used to smile at Finn all the time. She has so many different smiles; Finn still doesn’t know what they all mean. He may never learn what they all mean - but Liam might. The urge to throw his lunch up just increased tenfold.

“Okay, what’s wrong?” Archie asked from the seat in front of him. Finn fidgeted with his checkered jacket while his friend stared at him calmly, waiting for him to reply. Instead, the jealous boy nodded in the direction of his ex-girlfriend wordlessly.

Archie followed his gaze before sighing and putting his chicken burger down. “Right,” he said, straightening his glasses. Finn assumed this was going to be the beginning of a lecture. There had been plenty of Archie’s lectures since the breakup, ranging from diverse subjects such as “letting go” to “moving on” and Finn’s all-time favourite, the “I understand it’s hard”. Which was total and complete bullshit. Archie understood fuck all, he had never been in love, well not as far as Finn could tell, and he had definitely never pined for someone. And Finn was pining. That was what his dad was calling it at least. Pining.

Finn had taken to lying in his bed any time he wasn’t forced to make the march into college. The sole reason for this being the way Rae had plucked his heart right from his chest, taken some time to nurture and delicately care for it before throwing it to the ground and stomping over it in her red converse. Of course, laying around wasn’t good for his health and Chop had quickly become pedantic about calling his house to make sure Finn was still breathing but every time he called, Finn’s dad would answer with “Sorry, Arnold, Finn’s still pining for Rae.”

He should have been pissed at his dad for making him seem so pathetic but unfortunately, his dad wasn’t far from the truth. There was a violent need to be close to her, as close as they once had been. The urge to be near her again was so powerful it’s what forced him to ask if they could be friends again. He had even willingly chosen to go back to before they were together, but being friends with Rae was never part of Finns plan. He’d always need more from her.

He hated to admit when his dad was right about something but fuck ….Finn was definitely pining.

He ran a hand over his face and looked up at Archie. “He fucking knows what he’s doin’, y’ know. He’s tryin’ to piss me off.” Finn snapped.

Archie gave him a small smile and a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, “He’s just her mate.” His tone didn’t sound too convincing to Finn and as he looked over at the loved up pair for the umpteenth time, Finn growled.

“Bullshit, Archie, he’s after Rae, I know it. Who wouldn’t be?” When the boy didn’t immediately reply, Finn forcefully dragged his gaze away from the fantastic girl.

Archie had sad eyes. “You can’t keep this up Finn, you’re killing yourself… Have you even eaten anything today?” Finn had actually. Two mouthfuls of the soggy chips that were sitting in front of him, before Rae and Gangly Legs over there had turned up. But food didn’t mean anything to him.

“I need her, Arch. I’m so fucking miserable.” He barely heard himself admit it. He was too focused on Rae’s expression; she looked uncomfortable all of a sudden. Then Finn’s eyes found Liam’s stodgy, chip-grease covered fingers inching closer and closer to Rae’s hair-

He was over there clutching Liam’s wrist before his fingers could ruin the long, brown locks. “Stop fuckin’ touching her.” Finn snarled.

Liam blinked at him in surprise then raised his free hand to smack Finn right across the jaw. Luckily there was still adrenaline pumping within his blood and he hurled Liam from his chair and forced him onto the floor with a punch to the nose. “Look, I don’t care whether you think you understand her or not- she’s not your fuckin’ play thing-!”

“I wasn’t doing anything, you nutter! She had something sticking in her hair…” Liam looked pretty pissed and confused as he got to his feet but when he pulled himself up Finn was right back in his face.

“I’m going to make this pretty fuckin’ clear, alrigh’- Stop. Touching. Her.”

Liam looked past Finn first before matching his stare, “Fine. Whatever.” Finn let him go with a not so gentle shove, making the taller boy have to catch his footing while stumbling away. He watched Liam for a moment, sorting his shirt out before looking at Finn with a sarcastic smile. Amongst Liam’s laughter Finn would swear he heard the Irish prick mutter, “And I’m supposed to be the fucked up one…”

He shut his eyes just before he heard her, “Finn?”

His body couldn’t move yet, but his eyes scanned around to find her disentangling herself from Archie’s grip. Of course. She would’ve tried to get between them. What a girl.

Her eyes were so round, so perfect in that moment, no sign of the hopeless expression that had become so frequent since the break up. The same eyes that had stared back at him outside the chippy, months ago.

Maybe this overly macho move he had attempted would make her reconsider her feelings for him. Much in the same way she had been so kind towards him after he punched the Big G twat. Maybe just maybe…

“What the fuck, Finn!” Rae yelled.

Or maybe not.

The softness that was there just seconds before pulled apart by the rage that was seething from her. There was no defense for him against her. Never was. “Rae-I know but-but-” In his flustered state that was the best he could manage to get out.

“But nothin’, Finn!” Rae had never yelled at him before. In all their little arguments, in all her eye rolls and smug smirks, and in all the deathly looks when he suggested a shit song, she had never made him feel that she was disappointed in him. Anger, irritation, maybe even jealousy, Finn had seen them all on Rae but he’d never seen disappointment. Well, this day was probably always coming.

Finn clenched his fist again and glared at Archie’s beat up trainers a few feet away. Archie’s trainers were never beaten up, why was today so different? Maybe everything today was supposed to be messed up. Finn sighed and raised an exasperated expression to Rae, he was out of words. Although, its not as if he had many to begin with.

She looked around the lunch hall to the other students, before grabbing his hand and yanking him out the lunch hall. There was sanctity in her grip, a tightness that wrapped around him, from his fingertips all around his body, providing warmth he’d never find in anyone else.

People watched as they strode past. Perhaps anticipating another fight, or waiting for more action from the couple, but apathy won out and Finn’s attention fixed on the girl pulling him along. Rae’s hair swished deliciously in front of him. When was the last time he had touched her hair? There might never be a day when he can touch her hair again. As unreasonable as it may seem, the thought that he would never stroke her hair again made him ache. He was pining again. She was so close and he was still pining.

The walls changed colour in flashes and blurry visions, until he was pulled into a room. There was a slight drop in temperature and with a smell of bleach…fucking hell, they were back in the disabled toilet.

Rae dropped his hand and slammed the door closed, “What the hell did you think you were doin’?”

It only occurred to him now that in the time it took to get here, he should have been planning his defence instead of staring at the way her hair covered her shoulders. Telling the truth seemed to be the way to go, there was enough adrenaline still bubbling in him to get it out. He took a deep breath before looking at her, “I’m not sorry!”

Rae’s brown eyes were so big, but, as always, they were completely unreadable to him. Was she shocked? Angry? Upset? All of the above? She brings her finger tips together in front of her before answering him in a measured tone. “I didn’t ask if you were sorry, Finn, I asked what you were thinking when you punched Liam!”

“I just-I wasn’t thinkin’ really…” He shouldn’t have said that.

“NO! Clearly not!” Rae exploded before turning away from him and rubbing her hands across her face. He couldn’t take any more of this. There was no part of him that ever wanted to upset her, all he’s ever wanted was to make her happy. She didn’t look happy with Liam, and even if that meant she wouldn’t be with Finn he couldn’t let her settle for fucking Liam.

“It’s not righ’!” He almost yelled, “You ‘nd Liam. It’s not righ’.” It was hard not trying to think of the last time he raised his voice like this to her. In this same fucking toilet. And she had asked him why he liked her, as if there was only one thing he liked about her.

She had started looking at the ground and it was probably because her critical eyes weren’t on him that he carried on, ensuring his tone was much quieter. “You’re supposed to be with me. You and me, Rae-” He gestured between them, “We make sense” Still not looking at him. “I miss ya, Rae. I’m sorry for what I did, whatever I did that made you leave, but I just…” He let the sentence fall, oblivious to where it had been intending to go anyway.

“Finn, it wasn’t you…” Her voice was so small. He forgets sometimes, just how delicate she is. She glows so brightly to him. It’s impossible to imagine that the sun could have dark days.

“Wha’?”He presses, because he has to know. She didn’t meet his gaze, and instead let her head fall. He took a step closer to her, reaching out for her.

“Not now, Finn.” She said pushing his hand away, wiping at her cheeks in the process.

“Yes, now!” He said, sternly. Grasping her hand, he moved closer until he could tell the different shades of brown in her eyes.

She smiled at him, and it’s the first sign of hope he’s seen. Its inspiring after the disastrous few months he’s had. “No…I mean, yes, we have to talk but not now. Not in the fuckin’ disabled toilet.”

His laugh is broken and painful, but there’s a tiny seed of joy planted in him again. There’s a chance of them again. He tugged her into a tight embrace, and nuzzled his head against her neck, she smells the same. “Righ’, but soon though, yeah?”

“Yeah.” She murmured into his neck and wrapped her arms around him


End file.
